Oct 8th-9th, 2007

This is an exciting day.. I wake up early and take a shower. JR is taking me to the Hulston Center first because I will get radiation and then go over to the hospital to be admitted! I pour myself a sports bottle full of COLD Gatorade... JR grabs my bag we packed and off we go..

We arrive at the Hulston Center and I scan my ID card... within a few minutes my name is called and JR helps me back to the radiation room. When we are done we head over to the hospital. It's so funny.. I have checked into this hospital and the surrounding clinics and centers.. ALL OWNED or ASSOCIATED with this hospital.. yet EVERY TIME I am admitted to anyone of the centers, clinics or the hospital ... I have to completely RE-CHECK in with all the paperwork NEW each time. You would think they would come up with a way to CHECK you in ONE time.. get all your info and they could CUT down on all the PAPERWORK... it's crazy...

I finally get to my room... and get comfortable... the nurse reminds me to order lunch.. but I know I won't be able to each much so I order up some soup... Within a few minutes in walks my radiation oncologist... he does not like the way I look... he is worried about my and he checks out my radiation burns.. and is NOT HAPPY!! He says he is going to call my colo-rectal surgeon and my chemo oncologist and have them check me out before we start chemo.. within an hour in walks Hope Rasque.. my surgeon.. she does some tests on my abdominal area.... one of the tests... she puts 3 fingers on my lower belly area and then pops the fingers with her other hand... to see what my belly will do... The test SENDS ME THRU THE ROOF... almost SCREAMING in pain... she quickly backs away with a concerned look on her face and rushed out of the room.. next thing I know the nurses are prepping my arm for an IV... and they quickly administer some HEAVY HEAVY pain killer.. I am in so much pain and I am SEEING RED.... Dr Rasque orders a CT scan of my pelvis... and then she leaves...

My lunch comes but the techs arrive to wheel me down for the pelvic CT scan... and so I am not able to eat... When they wheel me back to the room I drink down my soup.. and fall into a very restless sleep. I just remember that I could hear the TV and all the hustle outside of my room!

Later that afternoon Dr Rasque comes back and explains to me.. that when ever you have abdominal surgeries.. like a c-section to have a baby.. or a hysterectomy there can be LOOPING of the bowels.. When they take out all or part of your bowels or move them to do the surgeries... then when the bowels are replaced it is VERY easy to LOOP the bowels. She felt that during one of my EARLIER surgeries some of my bowels were looped. Normally that would not be a problem but when you are getting pelvic radiation it can cause severe problems. When the bowels are looped the radiation can cause scar tissue to develop and BLOCKAGES can occur... which is exactly what she thinks is happening to me! She said that if they do surgery on my bowel area I will have to discontinue any radiation or chemo treatments for at least one to 2 months while I heal from the surgery. They do NOT want to do that so she is going to try something else first... She is going to let my bowels REST by putting my on TPN.. with NPO... Total parenteral nutrition (TPN) is like STEAK and POTATOES in a bag.. along with NPO.... NO FOOD BY MOUTH.. and that includes fluids.. By 7pm they have my on TPN... and I am given little sponges on a STICK!!! (they look like toothbrushes with a sponge on the end).. and I am allowed to dampen my mouth.. but NO WATER.. NOTHING entering into my body from my mouth... for 5 days.... (maybe longer)... OMG!!! They put the TPN in thru my PORT... I hate that thing.. I HATE IT!!

This is not a happy day for me... Now I know I will not have chemo or radiation for at least one week.. and possibly 2 or 3.. I am VERY unhappy. I turn on BRAVO TV and watch Top Chef.... watch the different cooking shows has become like PORN to me.. I am so hungry I am lusting after food... it's been soo very long since I sat down and ATE a meal.. I can't wait until I can eat again!!

Tuesday morning I wake up to some TERRIBLE TPN side effects... diarrhea... this is a type of diarrhea that.. WHEN you feel you have to go.. you have ALREADY gone.. there is not time to get up and go.. The nurse moves a commode near by bed...but with the IV in my arm...and another IV in my port.. and am not fast enough to get up and out of bed and get to the commode or bathroom in time!! Talk about humiliating.. I felt so bad for the nurses because they were constantly cleaning up after me.. Finally the nurse gets me some DEPENDS but they are an XL... big enough for someone who weighs 200-300lbs... and I barely weigh 110... So I have to use silk tape to wrap around the depends to keep it on me!!

My friend Marilyn comes to visit me... I am not in a good mood.. JR says something about "WHAT WE ARE GOING THRU"... and I look at him and say.. WHO IS WE??? You aren't going thru CRAP... and I go off... Both Marilyn and JR know it's NOT me talking... it's the cancer.. I am pissed.. I am hungry.. I am unhappy.. and I am mad at the world.. and mad at GOD... and I have told GOD and EVERYONE.... it's a VERY black day for me!!