September 5th 2007


Woke up early today. I have to be AT the Hulston Center for radiation at 7:30am and it takes about 15+ minutes to get there so we leave a little early. JR checks in for me by using a SWIPE card.. like a credit card... soon a lady calls my name and JR helps me walk back to the radiation room. It is very odd walking into this room. All my previous treatments I have been WHEELED in ... in a wheel chair.. JR waits outside and when the treatment is over he comes in and helps me. My right leg is so week I have a hard time walking and I will fall so JR's arm is like my safety net!! We get back into the car and I tell JR I will definitely need ice when we get home. My pelvic area is burning up.

When we arrive home I head directly for the bedroom. JR crushes ice for me and brings in huge amounts in plastic bags. JR lays down a big plastic tarp and I sit on a pile of ice in a bag and then pack the 2nd bag on the front of my pelvic area.. It feels soo good to have the ice packed!!

JR leaves me and goes into the kitchen to make me breakfast.. we find that if me makes me biscuits and gravy and a scrambled egg.. I will eat every morsel! I am not gaining any weight... JR brings in a BUNCH of pills and a glass of water... I am still taking 2 imodium(minimum) at a time. I watch TV and nap.. around 12:30... JR brings in some homemade chicken noodle soup that our next neighbors have made for me. They bring a huge pot of it over EVERY Monday. It is so good. JR also brings 2 huge slices of fresh cheese bread... I try to eat it all... because by 2:30pm.. I will not eat.. and I will start to get nauseous and throwing up or gagging! It happens everyday... the diarrhea usually starts full blast at that time. Depends have become my friend. That is the only way I can keep from have a huge mess everywhere ALL THE TIME. Sitz bathes are also a way of life.. but my sitz bathes are a little different than the norm. Since the skin around my pelvic area is so tender there is no way I can have that PRESSURE WASHER type sitz bath.. I take a packet of domeboro and put it in a HUGE aluminum turkey baking pain... along with VERY VERY warm water... up to about 3-5"... then I SIT in the turkey pan.. this might sound funny to you but we couldn't find anything else for me to SIT in that wasn't HUGE or too small... I do these sitz bathes.. or soaking bathes 3-4 times daily.. it helps to dry out the burns... after the sitz bath I lay on my side.. on my bed and let a fan blow on my pelvic area... to dry it... The burns are becoming pretty bad and oozing! I use a lot of Aquaphor ointment... the other ointments and lotions do nothing...

By 3:00pm I am gagging... throwing up and and diarrhea are FULL ON!! No more food consumption for the day.. JR was making me carrot juice in the evenings but the Drs have said NO CARROT juice until AFTER the last round of chemo... they do not want anything working against the chemo treatments... so I just drink lots and lots of water and herbal tea... and drink down massive amounts of pills prescribed by the Drs along with more imodium!!

The evenings usually consist of watching TV.. when LA Ink and Top Chef are on.. I NEVER miss those shows.. and I never miss Orange County Housewives... those are my favorite... I watch a lot of the cooking channel and dream of when I will get to eat food again!!

Thank goodness for the pain meds and Xanax... I fall asleep...


Just before midnight JR comes in with more pills!!

September 6th 2007

4AM JR comes in with MORE PILLS!! GAG!!!!!

Every day my schedule seems to be pretty much the same...
4:00am JR brings in meds..
7:00am JR wakes me up..
7:15am we leave for radiation...
by 8:00am JR is making me breakfast while I sit on ice...
Lots of pills.. lots of imodium...
12-12:30pm I'm eating lunch....
2:30-3pm... I am nauseous and diarrhea is full blast...
nothing more to eat but lots of pills.. and sometimes I throw those up!!
watch tv and snooze for the rest of the day...

My life sucks... I have been reading a prayer booklet.. I am angry at God and I tell HIM so... I can't hardly read the Bible because when I do I read where HE KNOWS everything that's going to happen to me and that makes me SOOO mad at Him.. So this prayer booklet really helps.. I write down all the PROMISES Jesus made... and I quote them... EVERY DAY.. and I pray.. and I pray...

I am losing weight.. I can tell... I'm sick all the time.. NO WONDER...


September 7th 2007
It's Friday... today is the last day in a row for radiation and I get the weekend off.. but JR has to go to work tomorrow and Sunday.. he has friends scheduled to watch me on Saturday and Sunday because I can't be left alone.. there is no way I can take care of myself.. I'm a VERY sick girl.. VERY SICK... hopefully the radiation/chemo will work and my pain in my leg/sciatica will stop soon and I can go off pain meds.. but with the amount of gas I am having I am not sure I will want to go off the meds...

Just a little after lunch the doorbell rings and it's Shawna.. my physical therapist.. she is coming to check up on me and brings me some fresh flowers.. that was pretty special..