Sept 4th, 2007

The phlebotomist is at my door 4am sharp.... because the chemo is in my port... they have to draw blood from my arms... and because I lost so much blood at the beginning of my hospital stay... my veins are not cooperating. They roll or are extremely difficult to penetrate! I look like a drug addict... the insides of my elbow area... are black and blue.. we have discovered that I'm allergic to silk tape and they have to use paper tape on me or my arms scar and peel and turn darker shades.. it's very odd!! I try to explain to the phlebotomist how to get blood from my arm.. but they always ignore me and after 2 or 3 attempts to get blood... then they finally listen! It SUCKS!!

I order breakfast... I always look forward to eating early.. because afternoon's bring nausea! Just about the time I order breakfast the man shows up with the wheelchair to take me to radiation... The ride to radiation becomes a highlight of my day... We walk through the halls of the hospital and I get to see people and the outside world.. then we come to the NATIONAL STREET walkover... which is pretty cool.. I actually get to see the ski... and cars driving.. it's nice... the people who work at the Hulston Center are VERY nice.. so helpful. I'm on day 5 of radiation and I feel the HEAT.. Once I get back to the cancer floor of the hospital I ask the man if we can stop at the patient's lounge and get crushed ice.. I get 5 bags full... before I get into bed I put 2 bags down... and then SIT ON THEM... and then pack my pelvic area with the other 3 bags... My breakfast has already arrived and the man is nice enough to wheel the tray over so I can start eating.. I am so hungry I eat EVERY SINGLE BITE!!!

The days are starting to run together. I am beginning to wonder when the Drs will let me out of the hospital! The nurse tells me that my 96 hours of chemo will be done tonight.. LATE.. that makes me happy. I see myself in the mirror and I don't look like me anymore... I look so thin.. I try not to look in the mirror anymore! I have been in the hospital for 7 days... ONE WEEK... and I am actually AFRAID to go home. Even though being in the hospital is a PAIN... I feel SAFE... One of the nurse's assistants is especially nice to me... she brings me stuff all the time!

Laura shows up... she is my ballroom dance instructor.. I am shocked... I only know her from dancing but she lost her mom to breast cancer and feels a connection! She brings makeup and lotion and massages my feet, brushes my hair and puts makeup on me! That sure makes a person feel good!!

JR finally comes in... He's been working full time.. trying to take care of the household... and AND... he's been doing the shipping of my online website sales... I had to call him on the phone last Friday and talk him through shipping 25 sales... So every morning he's been taking care of the shipping so he doesn't have to do so many all at once... He has put in for FMLA.. (Family Medical Leave Act)... he can take vacation time as sick leave to take care of me.. His days off are Thurs/Fri... He will take Mon/Tues/Wed off from work.. along with his days off... and then he will work the weekend.. I can not be left along so he begins making a list of people who will watch me while he's at work. I am not stable enough to be left alone!

Dave and Marsha come in the late afternoon.. it's nice to see Marsha.. she's a nurse and she notices how agitated I have become... she makes some suggestions to the nurse about my condition.. they seem to know each other... next thing you know I am on some anxiety meds and I calm down quickly.. WOW... Love love this feeling.. everything seems so peaceful!!

As the late evening approaches JR leaves and I am left watching TOP CHEF... and then LA INK... The nurse comes in and removes my chemo bag... I dream of food and getting a tattoo... Some day I will eat everything off the Olive Garden and Red Lobster commercials.. and I will get KAT to give me a REAL TATT!!!