August 28th 2007



The Nightmare Begins!

I am on VERY strong medication. So sleeping isn't an issue anymore! JR and I are no longer sleeping together because I need the house VERY warm. If the air conditioner is on blowing cool air on me my right leg cramps up so bad that we can't get the cramp to go away... so we keep the master bedroom extremely warm and JR is sleeping in the walkout basement where it's VERY cool!

I go to bed pretty early on Monday because my doctor's appt is early Tuesday. I wake up around 1:30am and feel really weird. I rub my hands over my ab area and I realize there is something sticky all over me... I get out of bed to go to the bathroom (the door to the master bathroom about 3-4' from my bed) and before I can get through the door I pass out. I wake up and realize I am not on my bed but on the floor... I reach up and turn the light on... I get up and try to make it to the toilet and pass out again between the wall and the toilet... this time when I wake up I realize that I am bleeding and that if I stand up again I will pass out again!! So.. I crawl on my knees from the toilet into the shower. I stripped down in the shower and start to wash myself off... and realize that I have HOT water running on me and that I am bleeding a LOT... from the rectal area.. as if I were on a BAD BAD period... only worse.. I decide that the hot water is not a good idea and start screaming for JR... finally he comes up and the master bathroom looks a lot like a CSI crime scene.. the blood is everywhere.. on the walls.. in the shower.. on the floor.. all over my bedding and clothes.

JR dresses me and has me calling my doctors to keep me from going into shock! He drives me to the emergency room and tells the nurses I have lost massive amounts of blood. They do not triage me.. they test my blood and start giving me blood almost immediately. While I am in the emergency room they give me 4 units of blood!!! After they stabilize me they put a heart monitor on me and transfer me to a floor where they can watch my heart!

I am in a double room... the lady next to me is YELLING at everyone. Demanding this and demanding that... I am horrified by her words and her actions. The bed she is in is oversized because she has to weigh close to 400lbs or maybe more. I can't sleep because she is constantly yelling. It was a good lesson in how to NOT treat nurses and staff at a hospital.

Doctor Rasque comes in early and tells me she's coming back later that evening to do surgery on me!! That evening she came in and cauterized the area where the tumor was eating into a major artery and caused me to almost bleed out!! When they wheel me back to my floor they put me in a different room. For quite a while I do not have a roommate...

August 29, 2007.

I wake up on Wednesday to Doctor Rasque and Doctor Ellis talking about the cauterization. Up to this point I have not met Dr Ellis. Dr Rasque rolls me over and shows Dr Ellis the packing for my surgery... LOL... so I never really met my oncologist because he is looking at my BEHIND.. OMG!!!

The days in the hospital pretty much run together. I am still on STRONG pain medication and pain patches. I believe today I have a biopsy. The doctors want to be SURE that my 2 tumors are the SAME type of cancer. Their main concern is that a different cancer hasn't developed in my body. They want to be able to target the 2 tumors and do it with the same treatment. So.. they have scheduled a biopsy which is a surgery so I can't eat.

Yesterday I wasn't allowed to eat anything after noon because of my surgery to cauterize the main tumor site... I was only allowed something very light last night.. and now I'm not allowed to eat anything today because of the biopsy! I am losing more weight.. none of my clothing fits but it really doesn't matter because hospital gowns only come in size HUGE....

I make jokes with the nurses and doctors in the pre-op area and all the way into surgery... it's the only way for me to cope with what's happening. Everything is a joke!!

When I finally wake up from the biopsy I am allowed to order something to eat for dinner... OMG!! I actually get to eat!! When the food arrives I am so excited but after I start eating I realize I'm not too hungry and then the pain meds make me sick to my stomach and the next thing I know I'm throwing up!!

The dividing curtain is drawn in my room... and the people in the area next to me are talking about their mom... it sounds like there are 3 or 4 people talking and the mom is NOT talking. One man sounds like he's her son... and a lady sounds like she's the daughter.. and the other 2 people are spouses or friends.. It's now well passed 10pm and they are talking LOUD. I ask them if they can hold it down a bit and it gets quiet for a minute and then the loud talking resumes... I begin to cry and call the nurse... she acts as if she can do nothing... We again ask the people to be quiet but this time they completely ignore me and the nurse... JR left about 10 minutes prior and I call him on his cell phone ... I'm crying... he says... I'm coming back and this time you have to let me off my leash.. I agree... As he walks in I cringe... knowing he's pizzed... we have been through a lot and these people next to us are being rude. He pulls back the curtain and says... my wife asked y'all to be quiet... (my husband is 6'5" 240lbs and works at a Fed Prison dealing with BAD INMATES)... now it's time to be QUIET... and the man that I think is a SON says... and who's gonna make us.. next thing I know that man is cowering behind the nurse's station in tears and the nurse is calling security... I hear my husband say... You might as well call the police because your security guards won't TOUCH me... the nurse hangs up the phone... the people who are with their mom... all leave... but by now I won't go back into the room... I am hiding in a recliner chair down the hall...

The nurse calls my Doctor and she agrees that the heart monitor can be removed and after midnight they are moving me to the cancer floor.. As they put me in the room I realize there is someone in the other bed and I am worried about being noisy... and the nurse says to not worry.. the lady in the bed next to me is deaf!

I fall asleep FAST...